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[Monday
September 4th, 2006 2:19am] |
Yeah, its been a while idk i just need to sort out my thoughts and figured this used to work so why not try it So im like feeling all these fucking feelings and i dont kno what to do Im scared, pissed, angry, sad, confused, and worst of all i feel helpless I just dont kno Its like my lifes a fucking roller coaster One day i love my life and the next day i hate it One day i love the people im around the next i wish id never seen them again One day im in total control of everything and the next everything is spinning out of control Its weird its like i cant control anything anymore I just want to feel like i have some kind of say in whats going on in my life And as hard as I try it keep slipping further and further away I just wish there was one thing i could keep under my thumb One thing that i kno i have total control over I think thats part of the reason why I want to go to college so bad Its like ill be on my own and ill be able to choose what I do I'll be able to make the new friends that I want Go the places I want and not have to worry about what someone is gonna think Idk i just want to be in control of anything no matter how big or small I hate feeling like a pupet in everyone elses world Its like everyone else has their lives and im just a character fit to play the roll they give me I have no place of my own where im the head of the show and get to give out rolls Lately its just like everything is going down hill I feel like i have around 8 people i actually like to be around and dont feel like its fake and they really dont like me And to top it all off my sisters gone so I have no one to sit and just cry to No one to just hear what i have to say No one whose already been through it Cuz u kno moms arnt good for that cuz they just freak out and tell you its everyone elses loss Oh and i just feel like a total idiot with everything i do I feel like people are like wtf who cares about you or what are u doing here or like why do u think you have a place in this Its just like im sick of people not feeling the same as i do And im sick of having to worry about how to make people like me How to make someone else feel good about themself when i feel like shit How to put up a good front of being who they think i am or who i think they want me to be Its like why cant I just find some level ground where i can stand still for a second Where i can be who i want to be and not what i think i need to be Where everyone wont care about anything else and just be happy for what it is we have Where everything and everyone is equal and there is no one to impress but yourself Idk if im to far out to hope for something that prolly seems to menial to most But thats all i want I want to be able to sit somewhere and actually feel completely comfortable Cuz i really dont think there is any place i do At home im always trying to make someone happy or be the model child Then with my friends im just trying to make them like me I just dont kno who to be and what i need to be Actually I just dont kno anything Everything i thought i knew seems to be wrong So its like im relearning everyting Its like I wanna grow up to fast to just get rid of all these feelings I just dont kno what to do anymore This is all whinney and anoying and if u read it sorry for being that stupid person who you think wants attention cuz thats not it at all i just needed to get everything i was keeping locked up out for once
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[Sunday
January 22nd, 2006 10:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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blah |
] |
I really do hate obnoxious people with a fiery passion But im reading a really good book and i cant tear myself from its pages This weekend was pretty fun i suppose i dont feel like writing about it though Oh and i miss my sister a lotttttt i just miss having someone i can talk to about everything and anything yeahhhhh
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[Saturday
January 7th, 2006 8:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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calm |
] |
So how long has it been?
Yeah like forever
Christmas was great
I love being with my family and they never cease to amaze me
New years was a pretty good time
I like kind of being able to start new every year you kno?
My New Years resolution is flossing everyday
Needless to say ive fucking rocked that goal
And then of course i have a secret one,
Im doing good at that to
Over all break was just a real good time
I love being with my friends
We dont even have to do anything,
As long as we are togther its a good time
My sister has been home and is leaving tomorrow
I once again have grown accustom to her being home and ill miss her like crazy
School was back for 2 days
It was basically like a blow off
I liked it
But exams are coming up and im kinda freaking out
My slacking is catching up to me and im starting to get scared
Who knows
Well today me and Jack went to the mall
I got my snowcoming dress
Im excited for it
And tonight im gonna go to Jackies with my sister and her cousins
I like how we are tied together like we are ya kno
But it seems i kinda suck at this lj thing so that all i have to write
Love love love
Oh ps ive become addicted to Jacks Mannequin... they are like jesus
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[Wednesday
December 21st, 2005 6:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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complacent |
] |
So Christmas is in 4 days
Kinda excting
But i hate to say im more excited for no school
I like seeing people all giddy for things like christmas
Idk i just get more happy seeing other people happy i guess
Hopefully it'll snow a lot more over break
Cuz i havent got to play in the snow yet
And like I said before everyone loves the snow (well ALMOST everyone)
I got all my shopping done
Well i only needed to for Jack and Jill
But i got it done
Then yesterday i did this key club thing were i read to little kids
It really made me happy
And then today after practice Jill and I went to get our Secret Santa gifts
Needless to say my secret Santa is gonna LOVEEEE it
Buahhahaha
Im looking forward to being lazy... fuck yes
<333
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[Thursday
December 15th, 2005 4:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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giddy |
] |
To start,
Snow brings out the litte kid in all of us
I dont care how much you say you hate the cold and snow,
When you wake up in the morning to see a beautiful sparkling white all over everything you smile,
Its doesnt matter who you are, the shapes the ice makes and the way the snow falls puts a smile on your face no matter what
Oh and then how crazy does everyone go when they get out and just touch it?
Snow balls left and right,
Hell i almost got hit in the parking lot by one
People love the snow no matter what
So i kno you all might say you hate it but i kno theres that little kid
in you screamingggggg to be let out and play a little snow football or
go sledding
On another note,
Volleyballs picking up
I couldnt be happier with it either
Im finally over the fact that i dont play much
Idc i have fun watching it and i do get to play a decent amount
So im goood
And the girls are just great i love it
Nothing makes me happier
Hm and the friends...
Needless to say im one of the luckiest girls alive
I have great friends and i love them all
Whenever i need a laugh or a serious talk they are there
And its like im getting a lot closer with a lot of people too
Like Kate Mel and Alyssa... yeah i was close with them before
But now... holy shit they make my life!!!
And then of course theres my bestests Jillson and Jack
Hell they are alwasy there and thats just great
Theres Elaine and Erin who i love dearlllllllllllllllly
And me and crystie seem to be talking more.. its great
Oh and then theres the boys
I just love them all
For real i have a good time with them no matter what
Im just lucky to have guy friends who i can be myself around and not care cuz i kno they like me no matter what
Its great love love loveee
Oh and lets all just hope for a snow day... nice day to fuck around alllllllll day !!!
<3333
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[Sunday
December 4th, 2005 11:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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confused |
] |
Yup
So this weekend kinda sucked
Friday after practice went out to Olgas with Jill Mel and Nico
We saw JJ and Tocco
They are so cute working!!!
Then Mel Jill and I walked around a bit
I had to be home relativly early to get ready
Had a volleyball fundraiser
Always fun selling shit to drunk people
bahaha
Umm saturday schrimage
Then after i went out to eat with Mrs Reddmann and Jill
I love that family
Um came home and slept
Couldnt go out cuz i had to watch Nate
So i baked cookies
It was kinda relaxing
Today i layed around and watched great movies all day
And now i just cant sleep... normal
I can never sleep at nite but during the day i cant stop
Who knowsss
So over it
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[Sunday
November 27th, 2005 11:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
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lazy |
] |
Well breaks been decent
A lot of lazyness and sleeping...
Both of which i was in great need of
So lets see.
Wendsay i had practice- i love practices, i dont even kno why but i do
Then i came home and slept till like 7
After that i watched some tv with my sister :)
I miss being able to just lay on the couch with her
Then um i took a lovely bath, it made me happy
I ended up going to bed kinda early, like 1230ish
Um Thursday thanksgiving
Got up early and finshed cleaning up the house
Then my moms side came over
I really do love my family
There never is a dull moment when we are all togther
Im glad I have one of those familys where everyone likes eachother
Yeah everyone left around 930 and i was a good daughter and cleaned up the kitchen
Then i passed out
Practice late on friday, it was nice sleeping in later then 8
Came home and slept again
Then i got ready but it was pointless
There was nothing to do so i just layed in my bed and started a book
I ended up passing out at 10... it was great
Yesterday practice again
Came home and slept AGAIN
Im like a sleep maniac
Then i got up and got ready and shit
After a lot of discussion everyone decided on going to Jackies
First i picked Jill up from her grandmas and then we got ice cream
But then we headed over to Jackies with eveyone
It was a good time
I love my friends
So i drove Jill home then came home
Layed in my moms bed with her for a little
We talked about some stuff... i love her
Umm yeah didnt end up going to bed till like 2
So then today was the first day i could sleep in all break
But i ended up getting up around 10 anyways
I decided that maybe if i showered then id get motivated to do my home...
But look where i am now! bahahahah
So yeah i guesss i better start it,
Maybe for once i can get it all done relatively early :)
<3333
Give me envy, give me malice, give me your attention
Give me envy, give me malice, baby, give me a break!
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[Wednesday
November 23rd, 2005 11:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
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curious |
] |
Hmm its been a while
Looks like im pretty much a big fat slacker :)
Um nothing really has been going on
Just a lot of laying around and hang out with my lovers
You kno how it goes
Volleyball started
Im excited for the season
I like all the girls a lot and we should be pretty damn good
So yeah thats been going on a lot with practices everyday
But its a good time
Umm well its break and i LOVE IT!
Buahah i love sleeping in...
Well till 8 but you kno about it
Thanksgiving tomorrow....
Um yeah thats about it
Im to lazy to write actual accounts for my days so this is all you get :-P
<33
If you talk you better walk you better back your shit upppppp :)
Love love loveeee
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[Sunday
November 13th, 2005 11:19am] |
Fun weekend...
I love my friends
<3
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[Sunday
November 6th, 2005 1:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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optimistic |
] |
Hmm so this weekend was fun
Friday-
Came home from school and layed around
Umm got reready and waited for Jason to call
Then went and picked up Alyssa and Melissa
We went to see Jarhead
It was a pretty good movie
Then a bunch of us went to B-dubs
It was a good time
Jill and Kyle met us up there too
Yeah then i went home
Talked online a bit then passed out
Saturday-
Umm woke up and my mom asked me if i wanted to go shopping
OF COURSE I DID
So i got ready and we went to Marshall Fields
It was a good time
I got a new coat and new silver jeans
Umm we left and picked up my cousin then got Chinese food
After i ate i got ready and then headed to Jackies
We just kinda layed around till we needed to go
So then we meet a bunch of people at the movies once again to see Saw2
It was pretty good... very disturbing
Who ever can think to write that has to be reallllll fucked up
So then we left cuz Jillson was waiting for us
We were gonna meet her at TB but she didnt come
But Matty ended up being there
We talked to him for a little then went to Jackies
Then we just played Mario Party and hung around
Jackie passed out but me and Jill stayed up on the fone and stuff
So when we went in Jackies room to go to bed we heard this really scary noise
We freaked out... we called like 34957 billion people but no one answered
We were curled up next to eachother under Jackies covers
Finally JJ answered and sung us to sleep
Hes a good friend :)
Um this morning we woke up and Jack was gone so we just made Pizza Bites and left
Went to Wallgreens
Then sat in Jills car for like 45 mins talking
It was a good time
Then it was really windy so we got scared again
So we left
And now i am hereeeeeeeee
Over all a good weekend... i liked it 0:)
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[Tuesday
November 1st, 2005 6:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sleepy |
] |
So its been a while since my last update..
Lots has happened
Umm ill just talk about my great weekend
Soo friday went to the soccer game with Jill
Meet up with a bunch of people
Then headed over to Mc Donalds...
Seriously, i didnt know a bunch of kids could have so much fun there
We stayed there for like 2 hours
It was insane
Then some of us went back to Kims
We just layed around and watched Hide and Seek
It was a good time
The girls spent the nite
nice nice nice
Um next morning Jill took me home
I slept for most of the day
Then i got up and made some fucking amazing plansss
So i showered and got ready
Mel Erin and Jill came over
We went to the thrift store for halloween shit
It was hard to concentrate but a good time
Then we went out
Good good nite
Umm then we came back here but Erin left
We missed her
But we were fucking starving so we went to Baskin Robins at 1245
It was a good time
Umm came home and passed out
Sunday morning we riped up our jeans and shit after my mom cooked for us
Jill had to leave early so it was just me and mel
I <3 her
But we went to the thrift store to get me other jeans
It was a good time
SO then she came with me to pick up nate
We were thinking and like seriously...
We are happy with our lifes, they are wht they should be,
We are 16 yr old girls, we should be having the time of our lives
We shouldnt have all these worrys and bothers
We are actually perfectly happy with our lives.
It made me happy when we came to that conclussion
Sooo we got Nate
Well won this gamey thing... she showed me up like woahhh
Haha then came back her for a bit then she had to leave
Umm did my homework and passed out
HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEN!
School was a good time
Then after school i did some homework then started getting ready
It was a good time getting all ready
So theni picked up Alyssa and we headed to Jills where we found Mel already
There we made our finishing touches and waited for Kim and Jackie
After they were ready we headed out
Umm like 15 mins after we had started Nico JJ Jason and Rob met up with us
We just had a good time tirck or treating
Then after we went to Jackies and just relaxed
Watched some hardcore Mario Party... it was a good time
Umm then i took Kim and Alyssa home
Came home and did my homework
Umm today
Sleepy all day
Im getting sick and i dont like it
Um had a key club meet
Yeah i def fell on my ass in front of everyone
Its all good
Yeah then i slept and home and now im here
Hmm thats all for my life basically
But on a side note...
All these things ive been watching and shit,
they really make me want a guy,
Its weird... im happy but i think i could be happier
Who knowssss just crazy hormes that want to get some kicking in i think ;)
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| Homecoming 05 |
[Sunday
October 23rd, 2005 4:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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happy |
] |
Ok so Homecoming ended up being great
I was totally stressed out before actually going about eh acts and my hair
But as soon as i got to derms it was all good
Pictures were annoying like usual but serioulys, who like to pose to like 30 mins comon now
Then we got into our limo
It was supposed to be a excursion but it was a party bus but it was still great
The ride there was pretty fun
We were all squished but hey we are all friends ;)
We got there and it was sooo cute
I loved it
It was seriously beautiful
There was another group there and it was all my freshmen loves
So it was good to see them
The food was ok... nothing great but it was decent
Then just going outside periodicaly was fun
Lmao Jason had to pick me up and put me over this like railing bc i couldnt get over it in my dress
Buahhah im happy i have great friends
So then we headed back
Most of the people danced but i kinda just saved myself you kno
But it was still super fun
So then we got to the dance and it was just exciting
I love seeing everyone all pretty
I was turbo happy to see Erin... i was sad she didnt come with us
Overall the dance was great
It just went by so fastttt
Like all of a sudden it was the last dance
I was like comonnnnnnn now
But over all it was a sucess
Danced with all kinds of people
It was all just good
Umm after the dance it was bit of a stuggle finding the limo
Me Elaine Nico and Alyssa were looking all over but we found it
The limo ride back was kinda crazy
All would agree im sure
But i mean it was homecoming so it was expected
Umm stoped at 711 then derms then back to Pearls
Pearls was just relaxing we all just layed around
Good time
I got the see the lovely Charlie...
I love that dog
Then at like 1 me and Rach left so she could get her fone charger then headed back to the Finchers
Me and Kate had our anual hair taking out fest in Jackies rooom
I loved it
Then we all went down strairs to just talk and stuff
I seriously love all those girls
Hell i love everyone who was in our limo
I was just so much fun
Everyone gets along and i serisously dont kno any other people id rather be with
But yeah i passed out early at Jackies since id been up since 615
I woke up periodically cuz u kno they were fucking with me
But it was all good
This morning the Finchers cooked up breakfast like always
I loved it
And i had to say good bye to my lover Elaine :(
Shes leaving for a week and im gonna miss her like no other
But then i just came home and slept
Well first i told my mom about the nite and looked at the pics my sis took but then it was sleep for me
So now i have to go and pic up my pictures
Im excited
But like i said...
Overall it was a total sucess
Things ended up working out in the end and im very happy with the results
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[Wednesday
October 19th, 2005 9:16pm] |
Powder puff was so great I was so happy we won It was amazing ANd this weekend is hc IM sooooooo excited its crazy Nothing can fuck this nite up We just need to find somewhere to goooooooooo
<33
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[Wednesday
October 12th, 2005 7:51pm] |
Umm i love powderpuff well not really i just like playing if we could tackle that would be great and actually i just like playing in the mud with my friends <3
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[Saturday
October 8th, 2005 6:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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contemplative |
] |
So this week has been a crazy one for sure A lot of things have been going on Um we will start with Tuesday- School and all that then Key Club meeting Then I drove Jill home Slept for a while then did all my homework and passed out Wends- Umm school like always Then I had to hurry home and do all my homework After all my homework I went tanning Then i had to ref 3 fucking little girls basketball games It was basically hell But i survived Thursday- Hurried home and did some homework Jill and Mel picked me up around 10 to 4 and we went to the funeral home We saw Steve and all that RIP After that we went back to Jills and changed for Powder Puff Yeah that was kinda stupid, Idk just most people dont kno how to play Im gonna be a wide receiver and corner-back Decent positions I guess Then after that we went back to Jills again and got ready for volleyball We stoped at Taco bell then went We basically got our asses raped It sucked Then home and all my homework it was hell Friday- School... and the last day which was great Um Jill and I did juice sale in 2nd hour It was amazingly fun Mr A threw water at me and i got soaked But besides that it was all good times Then after school I went tanning then came home and passed out I slept till about 530 and showered Thennnnnnnnnnn Kate came home :D it was happiness I talked with her for a bit Then she got ready and drove me to the game The game yes well you all were there and kno it sucked But we made the best of it We left early and went to coney that was kinda gay Then we went up to Erie which was gay too So i just sat in Steves car with him Umm around 11 everyone left but Steve and I didnt wanna go home so we played on the jungle gym It was a pretty good time Then I got home around 1145 and sat online and bed was finally great Today- Umm got up and cleaned my room for nooooooo reason But its turbo clean Then i went tanning which was great like always Came home and cleaned the front rooom then got ready Yeah i prolly gotta watch the little boy tonight Big funn WAHH not <3
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[Monday
October 3rd, 2005 8:19pm] |
Ok so you know how you always try to make people feel better? Well idk, maybe you don't, but thats what I just do I guess Like I enjoy making people feel better If I see someone who is sad ill go out of my way to make them feel better Ill tell a joke, doing something stupid, anything Ill do anything to make a sad person laugh And for once in my entire life I don't know how to make people happy, And this time is the one time when it really matters Its like i'm trying my best to help everyone,and I'm not gonna quit trying till I help I'll keep siting here trying to think of something to say to see a smile or maybe even get a laugh I want to help so bad and I just don't know what to do, but im not gonna quit So I guess this right here, This is my way of saying I care Its my way of trying to help I care a lot and I'm trying to help you all I really am not succeeding but at least through this you'll know Any chance I get to make any of you laugh... ill be there So to all of you who have been affected, I truely am sorry You are all in my prayers and ill do all I can to help any of you Anyone needs anything... don't be afraid to ask Ill do all I can
<3RIP<3 She's living amongst angels Floating atop all our lives She'll keep watching us, As long as we keep living So thats all we can do If not for ourselves, Then simply in honor Of her lovely lost life
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[Saturday
October 1st, 2005 7:28pm] |
Umm You see who really cares when shit happens You kno wht I mean? Like you kno who will be there in the end My friends are great <3
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[Sunday
September 25th, 2005 4:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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lazy |
] |
So this weekend was actually pretty fun Friday- I didnt go to the football game cuz i felt like fuck Idk why but i was sick as shit But ummm my lovely friends called me after the game and brightened my day a bit Saturday- Felt a bit better so i called Jill and we went to the mall We went to look for hc stuff It was a good time We both got our shoes After the mall we met my mom at Lauras to try my shoes on with my dress Since the shoes worked out i got it fitter or w/e so can alter it It was pretty damn exciting Then my mom bought us Gelato It was a good time Umm i came home and slept Ive been doing that a lot latly Then Jill called me and asked if i wanted to play tennis So she came and got me and we headed off to play We got there and since we dont have our 2 good rackets since they are in my car we played with bad ones Ummm we called Jason and he came up and played with us Since he didnt have a racket Jill had to use one of her racketball rackets It was a good time After it got dark we just kind of layed on the court and talked I liked it it was nice THen jason left and we went back to Jills So then we called Mel to fuck with her and it was weird cuz her and Alyssa were on their way to surprise us They brought us slurpees cuz they are amazing friends for sure So we just layed in jills bed and talked for a bit They were leaving to get Elaine so we called elaine and screwed with her until they got there It was quite funny But then ummmm Jill and i just talked more She got my missed calls from her up to 100 It was a good time Then we found a dvd to watch cuz we were both way tired I fell asleep and didnt even watch it Today- Yes this was a fun day I woke up at like 8 cuz i couldnt slept and just layed in jills bed till our alarms went off at 9 Umm we layed in bed for a bit then we got ready for our big volleyball match We went up to the civic center and waited for Matt and JJ to get there The sand was kinda went cuz i guess it rained last nite but yeahh So they came and we warmed up for a bit then the game was on!!! They were quite impressed with out skillz im not even gonna lie They surely didnt expect us to be so good So after we were beating them most of the game pretty badly they came back and won by a few Then the next game Jill and I won So by this time we were all pretty damn dirty Since the sand was kinda wet we were like full of it IT was pretty damn crazy So we played the 3rd game being the tie breaker Lol me and Jill convinced them you play to 30 for the tie breaker Buahahahh if you didnt kno... you usually play the 3rd game to 15 sometimes the full 25 but never 30 It didnt matter though cuz we still lost It was quite upseting But it was a close game So after they got us off the ground bc we were being dramatic and fell we headed over to Tropical Sqeeze Mine and Jills treat umm the boys admitted how much fun that had so we are prolly gonna play next week or something BUt it really was a lot more fun then i thought it would be We were pretty evenly matched I liked it So after i went back to Jills for a bit till my dad came and got me We just washed off our feet so we could go inside but mrs reddmann sent us back outside buahah we were so dirty it was crazy So we just peppered till my daddy got there But i guess that was my weekend. A very relaxing nice one I liked it BUt i did miss my lovely friend Jackie who i didnt see at all!! I dont think we have ever gone a weekend without eachother I missed all the rest of u who i normally would see too! But i have to go get ready for a meeting at my softball coaches house Wahooo funn.. not
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[Tuesday
September 20th, 2005 9:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
Um School definently is stupid as shit
I hate it already but w/e
It'll be ok
Umm im loving this new found freedom of driving
Ive been doing a lot more things
I joined key club
It makes me feel pretty good knowing ill be helping people
I like it
Oh and latly Jill and I have been on this tennis spree
We love playing and its turbo fun
I likeeee it
Thursday is a half day
Im excited
Then i have a volleyball game
Thats exciting too
I think playing volleyball mite be my favorite thing to do
Its kind of like an escape if u think about it
Like i can just play and not have to think about anything else
I love it
But im dont rambaling
<33byeeeeeeeee<33
Everytime I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right
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[Saturday
September 17th, 2005 1:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
Hmm its been awhile I got my car Being able to go where ever i want is great I drove to school, It was kind of exciting... Yeah im a geek w/e Umm last nite was the game It was really upsetting It pissed me off that we only lost by 1 But i guess ill have to get over it After the game we all went to coney Then me Jack and Jason headed up to Erie We thought thats where we were going but we were wrong Lol soo then we made our way over to Ottowa It was a good time I love my freinds I really do Then i took my lovely best friends home It was overall a good nite besides the loss Umm so with all this Homecoming talk i think im going to look at dresses today with my sister Oh yeah shes home Im happy Lifes going pretty good You could tell like 2 entrtys ago i kinda had a break down But things are looking better Im not worry about meaningless things anymore Im happy with wht I have Thats all i need :)
xoxox
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